Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Poets' Memory: Preface

Consolidated favorite of my own written poems.

Age span of works is roughly 19-22. The 19-20's are especially embarrassing -- remember you put them there for memory, not necessarily to be lauded.

They have been categorized by topic, revealed by subtitle of entry.

They are not necessarily chronological.

Interestingly enough there seem to be many more poems from your younger days than from now.

By no means is this an all inclusive list of all your poetry.

Need to find them all as posted on internet, in notebooks, old papers stored away, etc. and make one book to keep on me.

Poets' Memory: Words a Slumber

Drift Through My Dreams
Nightlocks and padmares, synthetic mixtures,
Sickness from feminists, needing a tincture.
Gliding from hill to hill on neon machine,
These are the things that drift through my dreams.

Voracious hunters and yet to be lovers,
Regions and lands I've yet to discover.
Faceless horrors with dried up angel wings,
These are the things that drift through my dreams.

Lies and deceit from beloved family members,
Old friendships that never go out like embers.
And at the end I wake up when the world screams,
These are the things that drift through my dreams.

When Fenrir takes chase
And my machine crashes,
I am meal for the wolf of lore.
Consigning myself to the ashes,
I remember, "Tis a dream, and nothing more."





A Theme Without a Reason
A memory without a mind,
already gave it away
A memory in exile.
What a funny thing to say.

A dream without imagination,
washed grey by the flood.
A dream of untimely death,
retold with someone else's blood.

A rose without a color.
A face without a shape.
A solution without a care,
explain my dreams of late.

A park without amusement.
A house becomes a puzzle.
Arms and legs lost,
to sneering man with muzzle.

A mob boss with a vengeance.
From shock I seem to float,
as my brother goes to kill her,
from behind they slit his throat.

A town without a history,
fallen from the start.
Locals can't let go,
to let the souls depart.

A man slipped and fell
A girl tried to do her part.
But he still sat bleeding,
so I stabbed him in the heart.





A Zombie Ate My Dog
I saw a zombie the other day,
or at least I thought it might be.
Perhaps you could look at this,
And tell me if you agree.

He ate my dog with joy,
this vile creature of dark blight.
But all the while all I could think --
Zombies eat humans, right?

Why you eat my dog?
You wretched beast of hunger,
be gone from my yard at once!
Don’t shit on my lawn dogmonger.

I pick up my phone in anger,
"Yeah...yeah...he ate my pet."
We’ll send a car right away.
I was still too upset.

I paced back and forth,
until I’d had enough.
Stepped out my front door;
he didn’t look so tough.

I stood in my yard, watching silently.
He didn’t look much a threat.
So I crept up behind him.
Shadowed him with my silhouette.

At last I pounced this fiend,
slapped him on the neck.
He bit me on the forearm,
and I gave him a body check.

We crashed to the ground.
He bit and latched onto my wrist.
I tried to explain and apologize,
but he pet me with my fist.

He scratched my chest fiercely--
I poked him in his eye.
All the while he shit on me,
I screamed, "Why won’t you die!"

Choked him with my intestine,
that had spilled out my gut.
He picked up something by its leg,
It was my now half-eaten mutt.

Before I saw it coming,
He slapped me in the head--
Ate me slowly and with care,
till I was full dead.

Now I venture outward,
eating dogs is our trend.
And when owner comes to save them,
we make a new special friend.

Poets' Memory: Imaginary Things

Tango de Belita
Lace the night with notes,
summer's evening song.
Too swift is nightingale,
shall not lay in wait for long--
to be caged inside black bars,
como una melodía nocturna

Mist cries from scarlet eyes,
crimson petals bursting,
stepping feverously--yet
tears drop slow but with fury
and like pearls doth reflect,
mi flor de la luna.

Duh dum, dee dum, dee duh.
Watching from afar,
movement like mirages
as don quixote's tale:
imagines windmills to be dragons,
so he now sees florid bouquet,
though mystery be her veil,
su alma es olcultada en el baile.

Bloom like red carnation,
speak out like white though.
Dance in the wind for me,
and when finished--
fall as if morning snow.
Burn like fire at dawn.
Love like twighlight hour.
Cánteme el tango de Belita.





Lucid Cheshire
Can't trap the Lucid Cheshire:
The gritty teeth, bloodied shnozz,
He's the world's best supplier
For the Madness Law.

The cuckooswash sat on a poad
Gawking at what Alice had brought.
She curtsied polite, head upright,
"The Lucid Cheshire will be taught."

She lie in the garden to ensap
When Chesire came in full skip reverse,
Caggling at the Mad Hatter and Hare.
Vixen-Lily pulled out of her purse.

Took off his head, "Greetings," he said.
The elixir did infect --
What have you done? Quick make a pun!
And thus her mate was checked.

"Why should I save a Cheshire?" asked Alice.
"Because it's sanity that I will fear!"
"Put this in to sign your madness is mine,"
And since - a silver ring adorns his ear.





Foretaste
Poetry to my soul
A foundation made of gold
Tantalize with your eyes
You can't seem to disguise
That absorbing feeling
Your heart is what she's stealing.

Darker silky hair
Tossed about without a care
Sweet cherry lips,
Can't deny a sip
Flower in the wind,
Anchor against the sin

Keep your hand steady
Don't treat this as if it's petty
Jumping too ahead,
Listen to what is said.
Lest this turn into a race
Master of the foretaste.




The Seer
The stars are with me at night
Willows weep again in vain
My smoke swirls out of sight
Like a claw grasping in pain
I look at the stars over the water
They stare vacantly back at me
This lake holds all my past cigars
But nothing more will be

The moon is there to direct our fairs
Refereeing our silly games
To remind that it's play time again
Yet my mind thinks only of names
People call constantly, but I do not wish to hear
Their petty voices pierce my silent night
As I act out my role as seer
Giving good advice to myself, but not without a fight

It is the beginning of a lovely time
Yet it already feels like the end
I'm but a dozen for a measly dime
The mind that will not mend
I'd give up if I didn't see the good
Otherwise I would.





Angels and Dust and Rings
wine blue waters ring out like melodic bell
with thunder seeded clouds waiting to rupture
and by amber glow does fireflight shine
watch crescent waves slice sea like sickle

all the while fortunes do sirens sing
like nostalgic memories we let lids lie
to better envision the winged world
like thief, enters and leaves without notice
and whose words cannibalize our humanity
those untaken cry tears of ink for the dead
in hopes of passing pains of lesson by pen

salted souls ebb back to the sea
drawn back by beckon of Delphinius
both tide and men listen equitably
sand and blood left ashore
shrouded hand and face,
mirror dares not gaze upon scars
buckles and belts hold pieces together
of what once was a man

the sands of time have fallen out
and now the time no more
instead we play with pearly dice,
wrapping knuckles till they bleed
and neither rules nor rook nor
hearsay can say what we play today
it makes no sense but sense we do
for it begets a rule
a rule to which no sense is made
in the world as my tool
silly tool it may be, but silliness is me
when what we see are the strangest things
but angels and dust and rings

a promise here, a handshake there
a touch, a glance, a taste
of loony things with boots for words
shined brilliant and passed about
sunset now the light goes down
(and so they always say)
the boot loses lock and luster
so followers trek away





Cruel Tales
I wait for it readily
My dreams in guise
Why won't they come to me
Pour the sand into my eyes
Watch carefully
Both minds fighting for its love
Promises never kept
Surreptitiously
Tricking me while I slept
With the things never to be
Both hurt and soothe
Why not hand me both? How I need them both -

On those cold shores I lie
Unable to move or cry out loud
Descending silently
A dark angel in shroud
And kisses me softly
What am I to do?
Before the embrace can come
Awake to heart anew
Breaks without those cold, dark shores

Restlessly gliding through life
Dreams consume me
Grant wishes, nightmarish wife
If only a way I plea
For these cruel tales
Without any end in sight
Could be wrought with details
Manifest tonight
Come down to be my seer
If our worlds can collide
Then don't leave me alone to drown here

On those cold shores I lie
Unable to move or cry out loud
Descending silently
A dark angel in shroud
And kisses me softly
What am I to do?
Before the embrace can come
Awake to heart anew
Breaks without those cold, dark shores

And here I stand amongst
The terror rips my minds' seams
Choosing eternity of angst
Over the dream
The winged one I love
Who's touch breathes life into me
And the hand I'd rather shove
Then feel the desire by the sea
Why won't it leave me alone
If reality would only die
I could live this lie

Poets' Memory: Dark Nights of the Soul

Like A Memory
Like a memory long since passed,
romanticized and remodeled-
it plays again by perfect cast,
and forever - dream is coddled.

Like a scar from broken deal,
for the idle mind does pick it anew-
allowing evil to enter broken seal
as self-destruction doth ensue.

Like a flicker in a torrent,
surrounding silence still-
for the storm shall not warrant,
such a misguided will.

Like a lust for nothingness,
what is not can never be-
but desire is there none-the-less,
and takes from us its fee.

Like a wave upon the rock,
turning jagged edges round-
heard only by those on the dock,
though it hardly makes a sound.

Like a poem without reason,
we read what we want to hear-
deemed guilty of such literary treason,
without author, the art shall disappear.





Blossom or Rend

How fortunate I am to hear
The cliches so spoken oft to me
Dragon's Breathe stale to the tip
Of a tongue so vile, like a whip
Slash and burn all you love
Fit the noose like a glove

Years pass by in the wind
Vortex swirls to self-implode
Scars to come will never mend
Clutch onto your illusory node
Comfort yourself late at night
In the darkness lose the sight

Daybreak comes, tears pass away
Light to heal your worried mind
Any doubts put fast to bay
A slow rot ferments to bind
Root out the vegetation you accept
Find a secret to life best kept

Do not console with the light
Look deep inside your own soul
Blossom in the dead of night
Face your fears, take control
Become a master of your own fate
Know what is, and know what ain't

Watch as I take my only tool
Hand breaks through this mirage
To take what all thought untouchable
Those willing to learn, the entourage
Behold the molding of elements unseen
Flowingly controlled by the marine

So much one cannot command
But further more you fail to attempt
This world is too fake to understand
Don't fight or be consumed with contempt
Responsible only for your own actions
Do not apologize for others' reactions

Only we exist within this guise
Respect all's self-legislation
Human kind are the stars to rise
Within the empty space of isolation
To control another is to demean
The importance of Man into a machine

Label yourself accordingly, single-file
The fading jester too easily beguiles
The weak into a sense of pride
A silly practice that only divides:

Those that work only to survive
Expecting reverance for their ability in saving
Others who work so they may thrive
Pride in their ability to fulfill their craving

One is like an animal hording for a feast
While the other but a savage beast
What could such a life come to show
Honoring work for an empty quid pro quo

Laughing at absurdities is what I prefer
Than listening to those who clearly err
Please forgive my zealotous fervor
The passionate rants of this world's observer

People may come, they certainly will go
Only we can decide how it must end
Do not place yourself on a plateau
For it to be born from the earth you will rend
Rock will shear, your heart will tear
In the finale, left with nothing but despair





Prayer of the Cosmos
infinite world, stretching on and on
things rise and fall...
ever change--ing,
will it start? will it end?

can i find, efficient cause
or final way
why this rather than no--thing?
what's it mean? what's outside?

echo voice to justify
but silence reveals
all evade full explana--tion
do you see? do you know?

waves crash upon the mind
feel the drow--ning
sinking in, deeper still
nothing yet? feeling wet?

place my hand on many things
explain one by one
question re--mains
why are these? why right now?

launch from pad into space
look on planet from afar
for my face
who's this man? who're you?

continue on from moon to moon
still I find no man
he's long gone
where's his smile? where's his warmth?

long at last, I reach the end
to find the end of space
now I'm face-to-face with the beginning
is this it? now I rest?

find myself on other side,
of the world
can't escape this circular map
let me pass, let me pass

so I've seen all there is
understand every thing
but not everything
what is it in the first place?

sail into port, my boat to tether
preparing for weather
since I know,
what will be

walk inside, to order a drink
sit stoicly, whilst tv's flash
in bar stool I sink
beaten horrendously

then it strikes me
necessity, necessity...
'truth taking of facts,' I sing
'of beings and things'

so flow my thoughts
like river bends
blockades broken down
row my boat, down the stream

now I fall to my knees
in tearful plea
In nomine Patris, et Filii,
et Spiritus Sancti
Amen





Cosmos
Starry chaos...
I love your glow.
And if I should travel
then you should know...

Blast from the past--
like a cone of light,
across comet trails,
further than your sight,
leaving stardust tails
across your starry night.

Lone wanderer,
cowboy pioneer,
searching sailor,
I shall have no fear.

Jump from orbit to port,
without much a care.
Stolen cargo to be picked up,
a man to drop dead there,
forgot what it means to be lost,
just another modern day Faust.

Cosmological, technological,
and when I find what I'm lookin' for
I'll see it's eschatological, perhaps alogical,
and then maybe I'll complete this score.

Burning up in the blackness of space,
singing along to my song.
Fools--even in void they race,
headin' no-where too long,
but I ain't in a hurry,
I just float on.





Arcane
olden days, the olden ways, arcane in nature still
desire for the wise path, though he cannot find the will
moons long dead and suns burnt down, long, long ago
in a world of toil and blood where writers romanticize the crow
a man with eccentric ways, asked of older days, a simple question
to what time or place did older, better ways slide into regression
where the dawn of time, the birth of man, held some nobility
before justice, the good, and love were reduced to vile utility

how strange the man, how peculiar his ways, outmoded at their best
from speech, to stance, his food, his drink, he seemed to be depressed
off in a land of ancient dreams where men wore honesty on their sleeves
but once awake a glance reveals a world left empty by wretched thieves
so now he prefers a darkened room with just himself and chair
inside a world only seen through the windows behind a vacant stare
rotting slowly in a haze, unable to let out a shout, a sign, a breath
to show some life, but its too late, a single tear marks his death





Pride
Fiery salamander, gifted of the tongue
Your father hung, take a gander
At why his words, savvy-sensed
Made them wince, those of the herd.

Their self-worth, spoilt before it's time
Heart shrouded in grime, it's hell on earth
Fault of the finite, the incessant vainglory
Death will strip you of worry, the final cold claw.

Ancient Athens, Shining Sparta, & Reputable Rome
They all fall, lets wrap this up, I'm coming home.





Poem of People

"The boredom that now belates my bookish ball deeply bothers this buffoon. Being of which is this burlesque beat. I broach to you a man bolting and bounding back-and-beyond in a state of mental blues. For surely a brood of people as being in this nation's body could bolster enough brains to spend a bit of time to brainstorm on their so-called beliefs. Tis a burden or a blessing? This world is bursting to the brim with beaus and bunglers and neither man nor beast to bite into the banality that is civilization's bunkum and bull.

My babbling must end, so allow me to bequeath you with one final barb to bring this broad biases to the bottom line...no more booby breeding."

-Blake





A Tribute to the Tipton
Here's to Blake Tipton
Who can spit out nine million words when it's something vulgar
Yet can't speak more than a mouthful in a normal conversation.
A man who prides himself on stripping down other's values,
When his own change so frequently as to not exist.
Here's to Blake Tipton
Who tries so hard to master his own passions and emotions
That he forgets how to express them when he wants to.
A man who has learned comfort in independence and solitude,
So he no longer needs friends and relationships.
Here's to Blake Tipton
Who justifies the world with his reason
Only to destroy what little beauty lies within life.
A man so sure about everything
That he knows nothing.
Here's to Blake Tipton...





In A Land of Shelves
The storms reign here for all days to come
Gray spreads making all things numb
Nothing lives in the munchkin town where it snows;
A town forbidden, except for the crow

Walk down the yellow bricks
All but travellers in the River Styx
A scarecrow strewn across the field
A metal guise forever sealed.
Vultures swoop the furred carrion
Welcome to the realm of the barbarian

Poppies float majestically in the sky
An emerald castle in the wry
Simian gargoyles rape the land
Oz has long since been banded

There is no hope here for you and me
The wing of the witch, a veil on all you see
From the tower she watches through a ball,
Of glass and crystal, to see it All.
Pick up that scythe, lets start to hack.
So many wrongs, we've all lost track.

Virtue, honor, glory, talent, and skill,
Things all used with the Good Will.
Now gone, for they lived for themselves
In a single blow they're put on the shelves.





The Dock
I'm sitting on the dock again
Bullfrogs and crickets talking
I can see the end of the world
And everything above
The stars beyond

Weeping willows say to the left
The breeze passes through me
And brilliant ash hovers
Avoiding the water below
The dark waters
That hold part of my being

My feet rest on these old boards
Ivy grows over the palm trees to my sides
Pulling them to the ground
The fish splash water under me
As the ash hits the water they strike
Believing food is there for them

This hoody reeks of smoke
Built from many a night
Including tonight
Those sad and lonely nights
Where I forged myself
Full of anger and hatred
Cynical of the world around me
Though I loved where I was

Contempt for being content
My home
Where I learned to be
Rather than inside
Doing homework
For the next day

I love my parents
And appreciate all they've done
However.
As a person,
I raised myself
I am who I am
For my own thought processes
Hours of contemplation
For solutions
Might be why we clash so often

But now when I visit
I don't step foot on it
For fear of a trap
Not wanting to release me
Do I need it anymore?
Am I fearful of a final lesson?
Why am I personifying a dock?





My Design
I don’t claim to be your morality
I just want to live by the sea
Don’t give me back what I’ve said,
All that matters is what’s here and ahead

I don’t claim to be the one,
Nor know what I’m supposed to do.
I’m not here to cry and run,
I’m just a man looking for you.

So tired of games and preparation,
For things I won’t bring up in meditation.
I’m blind and ignorant but willing to learn,
If I could only find friends with the same concern.

I’d be happy as a ditch digger or clerk
With nothing to my name but me.
Sleeping on a floor can’t take my smirk
Because my spirit is always free.

I’d never tell anyone, but I can read your mind.
And am getting good at reading mine.
Somehow you are the key so I can find
How I work: my thoughts, feelings, my design.





My Words are like a...
[Insert favorite hyphe song, sing along now]
My mind's so confused like a nutjob ward,
pieces layin' about like a scrabble board.
Every question is yes and no, this and that -
always wanting more like a greedy little rat.
I mix all the ideas up like a master chef,
but all my concoctions are tone deaf.
No rhyme nor reason, aesthetics take over,
I want parts and a whole like an Irish clover.

I'm organizing everything like a coin sorter,
Taking brick and mortar,
reconstructing the world,
But my mind becomes twirled, swirled, unfurled.
It's a healthy challenge and makes me happy,
like an old 50's show, it's always sappy.
The sweet flavor from the tears of a tree I mean,
keeps me awake and aware like life's caffeine.

So many assumptions, presumptions, what to do?
Stuck with intuitions, useless missions, why pursue?
I'm wrapped in gold, my soul is sold.
And it'll only get worse as I grow old.
A mercenary whose job is necessary,
a canary to carry the word to bury the contrary.
My dissatisfaction is my life's joy
like a sadomasochist playing with its toy.

My finesse is to caress those in distress,
but alas I digress, I'm not here to impress.
I profess I've had little success,
but change for it's own sake can be regress
like an Obama speech that preaches progress.
Ow, I'm mean, I'm mean, sorry my Queen.
But people eat it up like fine cuisine,
when I submerge from such ideas like a submarine.
In that way I stay clean and pristine,
avoid the smoke screen, stay keen, and find the unseen.





Am I a Reflection?
what man do I appear to be?
I see myself
from outisde
memories in 3rd person
my memories always are
as if watching movie

am I the escapist
eating apple and drinking tea
headphones on
wrapped in own world
pondering silently
or writing furiously
blank expression
the cold stare
never making eye contact
some strange man
off in his own world
ignorant others exist
and even if he did know
cared for others things still

am I the thief
racoon eyed bandit
long nights
longer mornings
worried of the world,
stealing my time
a yawn with apathetic brow
wandering eyes
nonchalant tone
and a knack for the morbid

am I the jester
charismatic and energetic
breaking ice with words
twinkle in the eye
assuming all have the same confidence
so some laugh, others hurt
but jokes continue
like jack-n-the-box
pop out everytime
and always on cue

am I the guardian
eyes ablaze
stentorian roar
veins pumping
all the rage and fury
to defend some innocent
is it even just,
how do I know innocence
perhaps I am the weak,
idiot lackey
taken advantage of for protection

am I a reflection
where my origin
origin of idea
personality, &c.
perhaps some bare thing,
to which other things,
may express themselves

am I my own mystery person?
or is this all, silly game
I create someone
other than self
when I try to look outside-in
in this manner
in trying to reflect,
I create mirror
instead of seeing thing at start

Monday, September 20, 2010

Poets' Memory: Tokyo Rose

Affliction
I wish I could fly;
I wish I knew how.
My volition is heightened,
I hope enlightened.
I awake from stone--
rejuvenation.
Venture into unknown,
lose concentration.

Something melodic,
notes soak in the walls.
Piano on the air
plays everywhere.
Enchanted by her Nocturne;
deadly addiction.
Bitter-sweet, I will yearn--
for her affliction.


From Rain and Jade
Rolling winds shape her hair
And from starlit eyes I cannot tear,
My own away from this ensnared stare--
From Rain and Jade, she was made.

Be it destiny, doom, freedom, or fate-
Carved by craftsmen from marble slate
And from her slumber I cannot wait--
From Rain and Jade, she was made.

What is this thing between you and I?
How can it exist after we say goodbye?
The intangible world I cannot deny--
From Rain and Jade, she was made.

What is this Connexion I cannot name?
Alas! Alas! I cry in vain.
What's it mean when I explain--
From Rain and Jade, she was made.

From rain we can begin anew.
Within the soul does jade imbue
Ability to Love through and through—
From Rain and Jade, she was made.



Twilight
What stars and fires can be seen far below,
a vastness lies await in serene shadow.
Little wisps of worlds skitter to and fro.
Lucidity is the starry night's Van Gogh.

Clear as night, star can be found--
within the eye of queen's own crown.
Shrouds her heart in blackness abound--
but masque reveals a heart to pound.

At last, at last, the time anigh,
like a comet in the sky,
like a flower in the rye,
never forever is the goodbye.

Recrudesce upon new world's frontier--
like stargazed lovers on ocean's pier,
know the waves and moon as they appear,
but the night's events have yet to premiere.

So silver man & dawn create new domain
A world where both can be contained
The witching hour will this day remain
Until twilight comes over life to reign.


Noble, Noble Pufferfish
Noble, noble puffer fish
Your swollen lips and changeling eyes,
your cantankerous mood and swollen glands
For we as men of reason and science now know
that thy poison doth originate in thy ovaries
How expected I chuckle
And as a footnote write down sometimes from the liver too.

Oh puffer fish, noble puffer fish
And I, as a fool, are allured to the cause--
of your aposematism, bright lights, vivid colors
not having learned these are no-no's
I place my hand on the hot oven anyway

Oh puffer fish, noble puffer fish
your cheeks so swollen,
and your threats ring out for all to hear
but you are weak and just blowing hot air
or water, as the case may be.
I know your real nature, oh tetraodontidae
and have grown immune to your toxin

Oh puffer fish, noble puffer fish
your textrodotoxin is weakened
and will only succeed in making me
lightheaded, intoxicated, and with numb lips
but nothing a day won't help me recover from




Crown and Limericks
There once was a boy from the bay
Who sat eating his curds and weigh
His fork to the right
And always polite
How fake he is they used to say
There once was a girl from Nantucket
Whose mouth spilled out shit from a bucket
Always with the tears
Except when with a beer
Can't reason with her, so fuck it
There once was a ghost from a small town
Who laughed and joked like a clown
Never serious
Always delirious
I guess that's why he's renown
There once was a visit from the ghost
Who haunted the boy from the coast
He laughed outright
At the boy at night
Who's own manners he did boast
There once was a dream of the past
For the girl who could make nothing last
Stirring up a fight
Told her she's right
Then giggled at her lack of a mast
There once was a boy from nothing
He wished only to make himself something
Forgot all his fright
Learned not to fight
And now he laughs with ghost chastising


Ode to an Ornament
We used to laugh and smile
Always together, even if for a while
Then it happened, neither knows
Turned each other into foes
Raw emotions ever reigned
Fighting on, feelings feigned
Why do we continue with this bout?
Please don't cry, no need to pout
It's all over now, no room for doubt
There may have been a flame
Now it's a wisp, no need to claim
Who did what or how or when
I walk off with an empty grin
No satisfaction or haughty smirk
Just a common face seems to work

Why do we continue with this bout?
Please don't cry, no need to pout
It's all over now, no room for doubt
Wasted time! We both cry aloud
Knowing otherwise - just a shroud
Hide the feelings that still linger
Fresh in the mind, touching fingers
Touch to feel, feel to affectionate kiss
A beautifully orchestrated - near miss
Why do we continue with this bout?
Please don't cry, no need to pout
It's all over now, no room for doubt
Once willingly given it can no longer exist
Any feelings will always have that twist
Don't call or write, stop torturing me
No more bothering, it's not to be
Like a beautiful ornament, see its gown?
Easy to put up, hard to take down.


The Silver Man That Plays At Night
The silver man that plays at night
Lives the life uncertain.
When he's done - for he never learns,
Dawn's rosy fingers doth burn him.
But the silver man's tears go unwept
His form wanes away
Just another sunrise in his life,
His destroyed by the day.
And what of dawn? Why she's no one.
Assimilating here and there
Embraces the emptiness of her life
Wasting away without a care.
And in the twilight, two collide
Swaying to and fro
And in the abyss of nothingness
A moderation is born.

Poets' Memory: The Sea

Lullaby for the Lost

Upon dark waters' furious storm
lies in wait, void and without form,
in the deep sleeps the Kraken of Nought,
to devour your world if you be caught.

If you should know how to swim away,
then from woeful end you can belay --
but if at once, you, should he eat,
know he cannot make you incomplete.

For if you should stand in abyss alone,
surrounded by dark, fearful unknown,
does not mean you are forever lost
even though from escape you may exhaust.

Although we fear that we will drown,
have hope that some way will be found.
For if you stand, then you exist--
by presence have negated the lone abyss.

From clap-trapped jaws you shall emerge
into the arms of others to converge
all trying on their eternal quest
to discover what in life is best

And so you can rest from false surmise,
sleep now my sweet, close your wearied eyes.
And the Kraken of Nought may take his leave
back into his world of make believe.




Blue Bottle Pier

Some men get wore down by the world's toil and strife,
Others are beaten by the heart ache of life.
A few have shameful regrets they'd never tell another man;
Fewer still were broken before they ever began.
No matter the reason why they don't want to confide,
Their worries and follies and tears are welcome inside
At the Blue Bottle Pier down by the ocean's shore,
Where the moonlight stops at the old saloon door.

It's always cheerful at the Sharkpen Grin:
Hot meals and beds welcome all sorts of men.
And Sailor's Delight has all night jumpin' and jivin'
to the sound of the guitar and the fiddle and violin.
But there ain't no place for those who're barely survivin'--
Except for the one at the end of the beach
That no one except the wandering ever reach.

The Blue Bottle Pier, where the sun never rises--
Where the flotsam and jetsam come to take off disguises--
Where bartender nor patrons ever chastises,
For each knows his fault and others see it in each's eye.
And all think they've congregated each night to die,
But each feels better when he pays his tab and waves goodbye.
So the next night he wanders through the sand and moonlight maze,
Past the crash of the waves and the star's hovering gaze
To sit by the glow of other broken men trying to fix their ways.

Now I got a bottle of jack and this dark bar den,
And a tooth pick hangs from the corner of my chin.
And the shadow on my face tells of the hopelessness settin' in.
Nobody says a thing but "How's it goin' man?"
Everyone knows why anyone shows up here;
Pour themself a shot and swing their hands silently in cheer.
This ain't a place to laugh, joke, fight, or jeer--
Always open for the broken, it's The Blue Bottle Pier.





The Jaded Coral

The clouds ahead covered the moon, most translucently
Clear as ever for those who endeavor, an eternal guarantee
For some captain, duke, count, admiral, or even a marquis
A light for those who wish to discover - how to be set free

An ancient ship from days of old floated fairly nigh
As if to come just in sight to whisper so that I'd reply
I'll wait and listen til the end, to hear it's final goodbye
Take my command into stride with a fair, "Aye, Aye."

Out upon the lavender sky, it rocks with all the waves
Amidst the darkest heart of waters it takes something to the grave
The secret lying in its mast, a shipwright who did engrave
A way to freedom in every board, to save every man the slave

I sat in wait, long all night, digging into the sand
A hole I dug fiercely, watching it ever expand
Blinded by a sudden flash, a name shone through my hand
Here was what I had looked for, time to make a stand

With nothing but myself to witness the story of the ship
I paced about the darken'd shore recording this very script
On sandy parchment with a conch I wrote with fearsome grip
The only evidence that will ever be, of the Jaded Coral's crypt

Out upon the lavender sky, it rocks with all the waves
Amidst the darkest heart of waters it takes something to the grave
The secret lying in its mast, a shipwright who did engrave
A way to freedom in every board, to save every man the slave

The longer I sat there to watch, the larger the ship became
Until, at least it seemed, as if I were there the same
The crew scurried furiously, the Cap'n did proclaim
Every man to his post, we'll beat the sea at its game

But choppy waves tumbled in, and the wind cared not to blow
And those not careful were cast aside into the ocean far below
With a mighty roar the Captain yelled, "Grab an oar and row!"
Nowhere did they move that night, caught in the lunar woe

Out upon the lavender sky, it rocks with all the waves
Amidst the darkest heart of waters it takes something to the grave
The secret lying in its mast, a shipwright who did engrave
A way to freedom in every board, to save every man the slave

When the moonlight hits the sea, but not up on the shore
The barnacles speak to the fish - in a rapturous rapport
Beckoning the sails to the bottom until forever more
With only foam to show, it melts to the ocean floor

And those who watch the sinking of the fabled Jaded Coral
Can see the sailors squabble, fight, and scream in eternal quarrel
As the Cap'n fades away he recites the sea's final moral
The mariner's time to chip in, and so goes down the choral

Out upon the lavender sky, it rocks with all the waves
Amidst the darkest heart of waters it takes something to the grave
The secret lying in its mast, a shipwright who did engrave
A way to freedom in every board, to save every man the slave




The Crooked Eel

Captain, kind Captain,
Tell us a tale -- of
Booty, blood, buccaneers,
Sea serpents, and oceanic fears.
Tell us of beautiful nights,
Lovely sights, and the easy life.
Show us the way and teach us right,
And let your imagination be our sight tonight.

Fine are your words but finer still,
is the Tale of the Crooked Eel.
Keep on drinking boys and listen up,
For the tale I tell is about your cup.

Ocean horizon covered by the mist
And squalls push whitecaps forth.
Sandy empires failingly resist,
Borealis flying East by North
With his nightcaps and sheets,
Maliciously stirs up an unholy treat.
Lightning bolt strikes like quill to paper,
Slowly releasing a putrid vapor,
With electric ink the bottle obtains a seal.
And those who know how it’s made,
Call it the Crooked Eel.

And if you dare to drink it --
The shock will fill your soul,
With deep regret, you will submit
And allow fate to take its toll.

The sun sets down, twilight is now.
The moon comes out, worry fills your brow.
From your rack you lie so still,
Now in the air comes a sudden chill.
All light vanishes from out the door
No need to fight, nor ignore,
The whispers heard up from the deck;
It rustles and scrapes across your neck.
At night they come to feed off your fear,
The corner shadows from which they appear.
When at last you’ve had enough,
Question, "Who’s there?" sounding tough,
Snatches you down to Davy Jones’ Locker.
That’s why the Crooked Eel is such a shocker.

But perhaps you’ve all heard too much,
Men don’t believe in myth and such.

Oh Captain, our Captain, that seems but a part,
Tell us the ending before for bed we depart.

Alas, my children, don’t you see,
The Locker is no place for man to be.
A drowning force without the death,
Dragged screaming without a single breathe.
A dark place, the ocean’s bottom level,
Full of serpents, locked in with blue sea devils.

And in exchange for each soul, each man,
Ale Master receives a renewed lifespan.
But a moment of immoral deed,
Can give him what we all really need.

Now drink hardy boys if it’s all the same;
Everyone cheer and finish your brew.
Tonight they come for your lives to claim,
For the Crooked Eel I’ve given every man, my crew.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Because I Am A Fool...

I launch myself into my punching bag. With every several punches I leap back, switch footing, and jump back into the oncoming enemy, adjusting myself carefully to ensure first blow. There is grunting, panting, and a popping noise with melodic frequency. I never know when to stop a song.

I play it over and over until there is nothing enjoyable in the melody anymore. It sits on repeat, one, two, three times. It drags on and on, far past the point of enjoyment, and into pain. And then my knuckles bleed.

The skin comes off with glazing blows, repetitious hits tear at the finger joints. After I stop I take four giant breathes, exhaling slowly, and go about my activities. The skin is pink like puppy paws for a few days, vibrant with color, reactive to every touch. Eventually they scab over and begin to itch.

And then I find myself scratching the itches. But I'm careful not to injure them further, contemplating all my actions so as to ensure no further damage. Eventually they become red with hardened blood like the scales of a dragon. I note how similar Acario is to his brothers, he models them in many ways.

I find papers in my hand, commentary on Song of Songs as allegory, interpreted by so many patristic authors. Some of their ideas destroy the metaphor, others build it up. I'm not in the down at my hands.

I believe they are ready for another go at the punching bag because they have become so hardened from their last experience. Yet only after a few hits I am bleeding again. Doesn't take much does it?

I reopen the wounds on my own accord -- because I am a fool.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Day 3

DDS - Day 3

I've spent most of the afternoon studying Greek. I've got the alphabet about down but I tire now. I am excited to already begin practicing recitation of Matthew 1:1-17. It shall begin on Friday. By Christmas time I should be able to discuss the Christmas story in Koine Greek.

Dinner consisted of a baguette, which I split between myself and my roommates. Desert was watermelon, which we shared out in the open field outside our apartment on a picnic table whilst discussing times of doubting faith. It is good that we can laugh about the days events, discuss theology of suffering, and share a meal together. I enjoy them very much as brother and sister.

More books arrived today. I'm quickly amounting a second library. My classes are as follows:
  • Old Testament
  • Church History: Early to Medieval
  • Koine Greek
  • Music in Liturgy
My favorite will probably be Church History, I am most excited about Koine Greek, and am intrigued to see what Music in Liturgy will concern, especially since it is highly focused on the Episcopal liturgy and uses their hymnals, and respective companions. One cost $200. What the hell.

I am both a night owl and an early bird at this point. I have gone to bed in a range of 2:00 to 4:00 am and have managed to get up every morning around early to mid 7:00 range in time for morning prayer.

Morning prayer is a great activity in my life. It is often liturgical in nature, giving me beauty and content in music. I have realized how much contemporary music has lost a sense of timing when they play. There is no subtlety, no layering of notes, no structure in the singing. It is altogether lacking in techne, and listening to practicing choirs with professional music worshipers makes this apparent. This doesn't go to say that God is necessarily more available due to this, merely that these individuals have well developed talents, worked out in time and strife, tried in the fires of experience, and are pinnacles of what Christian arts ought to aspire to. Just because God is available, regardless of the quality of music, doesn't mean we ought not to work towards higher arts.

Classes in the afternoon are non-existent. Chapel occurs at 11:25 which will soon become another great thing in my life. I have many times of concentration available, much spiritual formation both in classes, individual time, as well as communal time.

Ignatius of Antioch makes great arguments for why Christology, or a right understanding of Christ via reason, is necessary for proper discipleship. For how are we to be disciples, to be martyrs when the time comes for us to bear our own crosses, if we know not what Christ did, or for what reason do we do a thing? I love him for this. However, his one argument concerning his proof of Christ's having really suffered and really having a body is circular, ending with a quite hysterical rhetoric device, 'Why else would I throw myself to the beasts?' as if this proves his point. Of course those he seeks to respond to, followers of Docetism, which held Christ's body was but apparition, could merely ask, "That is a good question Ignatius. Why are you going to?" Ignatius would be back at the beginning of the question, and trying to prove Christ really died with a physical body in order to justify his position, but this was contingent on Christ having had a physical body. Circular, see? The phrase is so funny I've been repeating it to my roommates all day and found it quite operative in a number of situations.

Interview went well with Duke International House, if all goes well and they'll overlook my not being on Work-Study I believe I definitely have the job. At least one of two interviewers whispered to me before I left, "You're refreshing. I'll be pulling for you." God willing, I might have a job driving international students to the social services office and DMV, as well as coordinating a conversation partner program...again. And all the other nitty gritty job duties like filing paperwork, answering some phones, and so forth. Both of the interviewing women seemed to like me very much, and were impressed with my prior experience in the field. God is Good, yes?

The apartment above me runs a Chinese home church. I believe they are followers of Witness Lee (Li?), which I haven't done much research on yet. We can hear them singing hymns to the tune of Yellow Submarine everyday at 7:15, well until school started. Now it's a once a week thing. But for a while, we enjoyed Chinese singing with our dinners.

I purchased a box of cigarettes but am now out. My late night smokes will necessarily cease, short of me pulling out the hookah, though I do not wish to do so by my lonesome. Although I have the notion neither of my roommates are into any form of smoking.

I've been going to Saint Phillip's here in Durham on East Main Street. I've yet to explore other churches yet but they seem warm enough, old enough to be Episcopalian, they have several active ministries, and a wonderful gated garden outside where one can volunteer at. They seem entirely in step with the "orthodoxy with progressive ethic" that is common here at Duke. It is refreshing. It is not a political agenda justified through religion, rather a religion justifying political actions, which I saw much of in my Old Testament class.

Within Genesis itself we discussed the notion of "helper," as Eve is discussed, using intercontextual references within other books to extrapolate the concept of helper as a responsible custodian. It is clear this responsibility entails work. This destroys the concept of there being no work in Eden, but rather that the consequences of the fall were not work, but toil. At the same time it is said that God settled adam (human), which in Hebrew is to give rest and peace. There is a strange need for both rest and work, though not toil. This custodian or helper concept was used much to describe the Hebrew kings of old, who, when honored in the books, are said to be righteous or walk in God's ways because they took care of the needy, the poor, clothed the naked, shepherded the sheep, sought the lost, and so forth. Those kinds who were wicked were said to be the opposite; those shepherds who fed themselves, rather than the flock.

Interestingly enough, there were four major strands of Judaism that I at least know of: Pharisees, Sadducees, Zealots, and the Apocalypticists. The tribes of Israel first became well established between 1300-1050 BC in which they have what we know as the "religion of Israel" (Placher). There is often a distinction between this religion of Israel and Judaism, when in 400, after the prophets having lost sight and much of running through the cycle of enslavement and freedom, the priest Ezra established the Law as the center to keeping the tribes alive. This special focus is what characterizes the difference in the religion of Israel and Judaism according to some historians. It was in this time that the four branches became popularized. The Pharisees concerned themselves with keeping the Law, the Sadducees with the rituals of the Temple, the Zealots with plots to raise Israel back to power through politio-militaristic means, and the Apocalypticists claimed right to an ancient text which provided them interpretation of the Torah, specifically focusing on this returning king, son of man, anointed one, and so on -- predicting some form of an apocalypse. This final strand was, from what I gather, a minority. And although most people weren't formal members of any, these strands were highly influential. Through Christ's ministry this Apocalyptic view took precedence in what became the Jewish-Christians. How interesting.

Also of interesting note is the myth of Christian witch hunts as performed by the Romans. There is no text to suggest so, they're actions were often to attack a leader, but never overt, massive persecutions. Pliny the Young wrote asking what Rome's policy was concerning this sect, commenting he'd never been to any execution of one before. Again, Ignatius was arrested, and his followers came to visit him in the prisons, he even urged them not interfere for he saw this as his time of martyrdom, his time to bear his cross -- but if they came to see him, and witch hunts were the fad, then why not arrest them as well? There simply doesn't seem to be any historical precedence for such theories. The persecutions were by and large, unofficial and only done against some leader, often based on false perceptions of ideologies, particularly that Christians were incestual since they're lovers were also brothers or sisters in Christ, homosexuals for greeting one another with a kiss, and/or cannibals for having partaken in the flesh and blood of this Jesus Christ character. Interestingly enough, while Pliny dissolves these accusations, he deems them worthy of execution due to their obstinacy to follow Roman custom. The Roman virtue of pietas bound politics and religion together so tightly together, fancying gods founded Rome, but not denying other gods, that the Romans had a sort of forced universal toleration, in which you may worship whatever god you please, so long as you don't deny the Romans. This does not mean they were out forcing everyone to actively worship Zeus or Apollo, simply that they had no issue with people worshipping other gods so long as they remained politically active in the community, come to the games, the parades, and so forth, for these are to worship the gods in a way. To worship the gods is to acknowledge Rome, to acknowledge Rome is to worship the gods. Christians in rejecting the meats of livestock sacrificed to idols, denying to join such festivities, were essentially marked as seditious.

There was a sense of respect the Romans had for antiquity, for what was ancient and lasting was tried and true. Thus, the Jews had a special place of respect, for while they were a little crazy, their continuity of culture had lasted. As Dr. J. Smith, my professor put it, "To the Romans, the Jews might have been crazy, but they were ancient crazy, so it was okay." The Christians fell under this categorical umbrella of protection until the non-Christian Jew majority ousted the Christian-Jewish sector as "not being Jewish." The Romans thus see a new, progressive religion, not tried in true, which violates pietas, making them worthy of punishment by the state and the gods. Even then though, it was not a massive, ongoing persecution, but as prior said, local and unofficial in most cases.

My dreams are brutish. They no longer need dark, haunted themes to leave me shaken, stirred, or sick feeling, they now take on a whole new motif. What is light and cheerful, becomes painful upon dawn. But if I cram enough information down my throat I will not have time to dwell on such things. Time does not cure all things, but time well spent makes the possibility of certain pains impossible. We do not overcome, we forget. And so long as we move in the polar position to the source, there is no time to remember. Unless you sleep. Perhaps I would make a better wrong-a-gong-gong than a night owl and early bird when this becomes a problem.

Overall, I am quite content upon entering a spiritual community which understands the place of reason and discourse in discerning what it is we shall believe, what it is we should worship, what it is we ought to feel. Such academic investigations are "humble yet daring," and I have yearned for them for sometime now.

- D.E. Machina

And Lo

I am beast, writhing in my cage
feeding off urges
always urging
do this, take this, want this
but alas, these shackles!
For I am enslaved to righteousness
and am victim to what cannot be undone.
Look now, I am in need of water,
but will be the blinded devout
what beauty guides me to drink
of the fresh springs of life in this desert,
what manna can be found on this dry hill.
But what price am I to pay?
Perhaps I am the gatherer of too much,
or partake more than my share,
for though I reach with barren hands,
to drink, to eat,
I am scarred, and my eyes are plucked out.
Now I am the blinded devout.
And though I come to drink of the waters,
beauty holds back my hand,
to say, I do not wish to give you water
so I cannot partake of my fill
Thus, even though I might drink of hands
a cup would give plenty,
give it form and hold much more,
than these broken, bleeding hands can
So I sip and stagger back out into the wastelands
And dream of a day Yahweh,
when you will take me out of this land,
and lay me down in green pastures.
Now the beast has no taste
and though he occasionally rears up in rebellion
the blind cannot follow what they cannot see
and are not often motivated by what they cannot experience.



"And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty, and beauty stayed his hand. And from that day forward, he was as one dead."