Wisdom Gave My Love Fruit

Philosophy is my first love.
But allow me to explain.
For the truth is in the word.
The word is dyadic,
Philia and Sophia.
The former meaning:
a brotherly or casual love,
and the latter meaning wisdom.
So the love of wisdom is my first love.

But what love do I mean by my first love?
That of all my philias, it is the foremost.
Just like of all my stergos, familial love,
my parents and brother are foremost.
It gives me a taste for relationships,
it gives them meaning, direction, a telos.
Wisdom gave my love fruit.

How is it that I am so casual with wisdom?
What is wisdom is perhaps the better question.
An art that questions its very existence, how strange.
And yet, it makes me want it even more,
Knowing of but not exactly makes for mystery,
one of the strongest driving forces behind my desires.
A desire that seeks to understand its object,
and why it occurs, if its worthy, if its legitimate.

Thousands of years pass,
our love remains fervent,
the wisdom remains hidden in part.
A white rabbit, leading us deeper,
into the wild and bizarre world we live in.
The more we become lost,
the more our interest in piqued.
I know some path to whatever it is I seek,
Philipians 4:8.
Now I'm nice and deep in the woods,
as I was as a child,
and once again, I find myself loving it.
I'm where I want to be,
yet some desire persists,
for I'm there, but I can't understand it,
so something remains unknown.

And I suppose I transition from philia to eros.
I went from casual desire to desire realizing some lack,
just like that.
So it goes.

"Oh no no no... thank you, but-
but I just wanted to ask you which way I ought to go."
"Well, that depends on where you want to get to."
"Oh, it really doesn’t matter, as long as I c..."
"Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go."

Fast forward through many a year,
philosophy is a cruel lover sometimes.
Her solace was brutish and short.
But we came to love one another,
through frequent visits,
she came to enjoy my company,
and I hers.
1 Corinthians 1:24.

And now she sends me out into the world,
a little green behind the ears,
but young and idealistic,
ready to suffer injustice,
reminding me not to commit it,
shows me her telos,
what I sought wasn't in her,
but she made for a lovely teacher.
She was but a path,
and I have become her in some way,
yet the desire persists.
And Phillipians 4:8 remains.

She taught me agape.
And for that I shall always love her,
cherish her, and defend her.
But she pushes me out the door now,
waving in excitement,
like a mother ready to see her boy off and grown.
And so go my travels,
in the world of today.

I have Philia for Sophia.
I have Agape for Theos.
I have Stergo for my family.
But to whom do I have Eros?

I'm Platonic on eros,
so I believe the telos is of Theos too.
But it begins with a person.

Eventually, the object of our desires,
consumes us,
and we will do anything for it,
to achieve it,
even if that means negating our other desires.
We will come to Agapao for someone or something.
The more I delve into Love,
the more I'm convinced
all roads lead to Rome.
1 John 4:7
Each is Love, Love is Each,
yet they are different from one another,
"how fitting," I smirk.

But I do not leave her forever,
just like my family,
I plan to return,
with something to add.
Philia from Philia, Stergo from Stergo,
Love seems to breed more Love.

There must be someone to whom,
I will have all four,
if I'm ever to come into the oneness of love.
Perhaps then some English words will make more sense,
to my...fragile...state of mind.
It's about time, for me to do some more growing.
I need a new Sophia,
not superior to the one of 1 Cor. 1:24,
but a conduit to it.
Truth comes in propositional form,
Good in reflection of the justice in one's soul,
visible in their actions,
but Beauty, why, Beauty,
you afflict others with your "poetic madness,"
blessing for sight of the supernatural.
Beauty, I am familiar with you, having seen you many times,
I am a child of yours and hope to help you beget more of your kind,
I long for you with the eyes of a romantic lover,
I'd die for you.

I pray to behold your Beauty,
send she who is worthy to portray such works.
I beg of you Theos, oh Lord, God of the cosmos and earth,
I know I am unworthy of such a thing.
So I do not ask for something I could not do Justice to,
but I ask that you would use me as a vessel for Justice,
so that I may at least participate, glimpse into your face.
For what I may never have fully, but is worthy,
I will settle to serve.
And in this way,
my desire shall never leave,
and I shall forever be, faithful.