Agape Agape, Evermore

I tire of this world.
The sickness,
inside of man.
Vile bile boiling in their guts.
It spills from their mouth in words and deeds,
stirring vomit from myself.
To see the lies is gut wrenching.
If I have to hear another nature argument,
I'm going to explode.
Nature only necessitates some beginning.
Nothing about inability to change it.
This disgust makes me desire hollowness in feeling.

And yet,
I must acknowledge this base.
I'm no saint.
But I respect those who desire Goodness in the world,
rather than those who embrace sins:
Lust, Wrath, Envy, Sloth, Greed, Gluttony, Pride.
It pains me to see these inside man.
It pains me more to see man acknowledge the bonds as fact,
like lifetime prisoner, who accepts his chains.
And worse, when they begin to love their chains.
It crushes my hope sometimes.
But the feeling will pass,
for they are but temporary,
and always will be.
I long to be ruled by eternal things.

The body is dead because of sin.
And so slaves toil in their shackles,
never fulfilled, never satisfied.
Always wanting another quick fix,
another temporal pleasure,
believing some middle cause
to be the final cause.
Never seeing the contradiction
of utility as being the final cause.
If I can still become sad,
it is because of things like this.

Heavenly Father,
You are the first principle,
the initial cause, our Creator
and fountain of all life.
As we seek to live properly,
please allow us to acknowledge
this source.
What we truly desire is to know
of you, your love,
and how this affects our state of being
in this world.
We are nothing without you Lord,
but are something through you.
As you are being, and we take our life
through you, let us see we are neither
nothing, nor beings.
Ours is a life in a state of becoming.
To see you as the life spring Lord
is to know which direction we become.
Shall we return to chaos?
Or become being through the Lord?

Show us the path to proper becoming.
To become closer to you God.
May your prevenient Grace call us,
when we have strayed from your way.
That it may call to our friends and family,
that your Love become clear to each individual,
and your outreached hand become known.
To realize that we are nothing without you.
We are not and nor will we ever be You, Lord.
The most we can ask for is but a relationship with You.
To somehow draw upon your grace, love, mercy, and power.
Let virtue come out of you into us upon your Heavenly touch,
let recognition of our contingency lead to humility,
humility to agape,
agape to a relationship with Him.

What sense is there in "to every man his own?"
Shall we, as contingent beings call ourselves self-caused?
Even in the since of final causes?
Surely a will is a type of cause,
but only of a decision,
and not of the Self itself,
as the Self is prior to the will.
So much for such claims.
Let us explode outwards from the Self,
to forget our needs, our wants, our anxieties.
For what room can their be for the Spirit,
if we should attempt to fill ourselves in whole?
How are we to ask for your filling,
if we fallaciously believe our identity is self-sufficient?
So much for old sayings.
So much for humanistic religions.

Let our prayers and concerns be for God first,
and others second.
Submit the Self's cries to the grave.
Justify your children when they cry out to you Lord.
Sinners no longer they shall be.
They shall no longer love their chains.
For a sinner is not capable of following the law.
But in so Justifying them they shall be saved,
and will have turned around to see Your Righteous Light.
We shall see the law, and weep before it.
At least now we may follow it.
Whereas we were before stuck in the shadow of the Self,
not realizing our shadow was caused by ourself,
our darkness was self-inflicted,
our pain was in our perspective.
But your prevenient grace gave us knowledge,
so that we may tell an object from its image.
And upon this reckoning we turn to you,
fall before you on our knees,
and renounce our pride.
Renounce our ways, our prior path,
the madness we once lived in.

In this moment, we come to realize,
realize what it means to let the relationship,
rather than the members,
build the persons.
For if this were the case,
one or the other would always be better,
and one would be a parasite.
None would willingy enter such a relationship,
nor would any Good come of it.
All would be reduced to the lowest common denominator.
But in renouncing the Self,
we see we are empty shells,
dependent upon you for all things,
and allow your sanctifying grace to begin.
Looking to You foremost, and next to others,
the Self qualified as Good no longer matters.
It is evidence, as works, of the relationships.
Every tree is known by its fruits,
and you are the vine.
Just as the vine sprouts branches,
so the tree bears fruit,
both ends cannot be without the source,
just as effect without cause is nonbeing,
so shall the Self be dependent.
But only known in retrospect,
for fear that we become selfish again,
upon viewing the Goodness,
that has settled within to build a new Self.
But your commands are two.
In the Old the first consisted of four commands,
their meaning being one, for You Lord.
And the second six being of one, for each other.
In the New the Son of man enlightens us to this.
But the commands are one in nature, agape.
Just as your essence is One.
And so we see, what little sense is makes,
that the One should not apply to the All,
somehow Many, in application to persons.

You are a rich and mysterious God.
And we are but men of faith, seeking understanding.
We read, pray, worship, ask, ponder, receive,
flare out in anger and cry out in love,
grow tired, are renewed, and so it goes.
We ask for forgiveness of transgressions,
and pray for the strength and mercy to forgive others.
Take away our sorrows, anger, and pains,
so long as they are not useful.
If they should be lessons by punishment,
I pray wisdom for all to discern of these things,
of Good and evil,
so that once Justified, we may move forward,
and in Sanctification be made anew, Christ-like,
in the best possible image of the divine--
the perfect man.
This is as much as we can become,
but not without you Lord.
And in doing so break our chains.
Woe unto us for wanting to visit our prisons,
having spent so much time there,
we find ourselves still tempting to venture back,
but in being Justified,
they are but visits,
and the chains have long rusted shut.
Lead us away from these chambers,
and out into the World,
and make unto our kind righteous men,
by which all others may see the fruits of your works.
Men by whom no law is necessary to live,
for the law is not for righteous men,
as they live by a new nature,
for you are the way, the path, and the life.
Lord, hear our prayer.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti,
Amen.